Music industry pioneer tackles trauma and what it takes to transform after abuse in riveting tell-all memoir
“Unflinchingly honest: a memoir from depravity to redemption”
–Kevin Lyman, Founder of Vans Warped Tour
Los Angeles, CA–The music industry healed him. It also nearly destroyed him.
California in the 70s. Rob Tonkin grew up in an ostensibly normal middle class family, but inside, his narcissistic parents fight bitterly. In the wake of their divorce, Rob searches for acceptance and approval elsewhere. Driven by his love of music, Rob lands a promising internship at a radio station at age 14. What kickstarts his decades-long career in building partnerships between musicians and brands is also the source of lasting trauma for him. Abused by his mentor when he was just a boy, alone and afraid of ruining his chances of success, Rob hides his true feelings and dedicates himself to his work. Throughout his upward rise in LA’s music industry, Rob looks for love, professional recognition, and personal clarity. He makes mistakes. He puts himself first. He might be an asshole. But he’s also first in line in the long journey of reckoning with his past and moving beyond his trauma.
In his often-wild, always-true memoir, “Asshole” (Munn Ave Press, July 21, 2025), Rob Tonkin shares how he buried himself in work and had to dig himself back out, alongside the life-changing steps that facilitated his transformation.
About the Book…
“Asshole: Wild Stories of Trauma, Truths and Transformation”
Rob Tonkin | July 21, 2025 | Munn Avenue Press | Nonfiction, Memoir
Hardcover | ISBN: 978-1-960299-70-3 | $27.99
Paperback | ISBN: 978-1-960299-71-0 | $19.99
Ebook | ISBN: 978-1-960299-72-7 | $7.99
Praise for Rob Tonkin and “Asshole”
“Not only are the stories incredibly entertaining, but they’re also poignant insights into trauma.”
–Kathryn O’Brasky, Licensed Clinical Social Worker
“Unflinchingly honest: a memoir from depravity to redemption.”
–Kevin Lyman, Founder of Vans Warped Tour
“A harrowing yet ultimately inspiring journey from trauma to triumph. This book is a powerful testament to bravery. Highly recommended for anyone affected by sexual abuse or childhood trauma, and for those who support them.”
–Ashley Turner, Licensed Psychotherapist, Yoga-Meditation Teacher
“Rob is a master storyteller, and the stories he tells are simply amazing. You’ll laugh with him, cry with him, love him, hate him, and at times be utterly stunned by the events that unfold.”
–Thomas K. Arnold, Publisher of Media Play News, Veteran Journalist
About the Author…
ROB TONKIN: A California native, Rob started in Sacramento radio at the age of 14 and rose to lead the Marketing Factory, producing the two-decade-long Honda Civic Tour, which included The Black Eyed Peas, blink-182, and One Direction. Driven by childhood trauma, he sacrificed his true self to achieve success. His memoir “Asshole” documents his self-destruction and eventual redemption, sharing hard-won insights into authentic living. Learn more about his life and work at: www.robtonkin.com
In an interview, Rob Tonkin can discuss:
- The ups and downs of his music industry career, and how he changed the industry by pairing bands with brands, notably producing the Honda Civic Tour
- How joining the ACA 12-step program helped him heal from the wounds of a dysfunctional childhood
- What it took for him to confront the sexual abuse he suffered as a teen at the hands of a mentor
- How the entertainment industry encourages suffering in silence, his advice for those looking to make it in music today
- How to overcome the barriers that often prevent men from confronting their trauma, and why healthy masculinity includes processing emotions, taking accountability and practicing self-love
- Why you don’t have to be the “perfect victim” in order to achieve healing and his advice for anyone looking to heal from their past
An Interview with
Rob Tonkin
- Why did you choose to call your memoir “Asshole”? What does the title mean to you?
I called my memoir “Asshole” to get honest about a tricky part of life. It’s a word we hear everywhere, and for me, it first described the people who neglected me as a kid – a kind of abuse. Even though they had good sides and intentions, the label “asshole” became a way for me to process the impact of their actions. I became fueled by dysfunction, bad habits, and bad decisions. Later, in entertainment, I met more “assholes” and even caught some of those traits myself. It made me see how being an “asshole” isn’t always black and white, and it changes with the situation. Interestingly, the title came about when a good friend read an early version of the book. They threw “Asshole” out there, partly as a joke but also with some genuine feeling, and it just stuck. Not that the name was something I was called as a kid, but it captured a certain truth. My friend pushed me to own that part of my story. Why go for some boring title? I had been an asshole at times, and who hasn’t? “Asshole” felt honest, raw, and like it would cut through the noise. It’s about being vulnerable and not holding back.
- How would you describe your experience working in the music industry?
The music industry felt like reaching the promised land. I was serious about it, and even though some days were a grind like any job, I loved being there most of the time. It was also about getting access, feeling seen and heard, and being part of the inner circle. I learned fast, seeing past the rockstar myths and backstage magic. It turns out that artists and celebrities are just people – flawed and human, like everyone else. A lot of powerful folks seemed like kids playing make-believe. I made some real friends, but most connections were about what you could do for each other. If I had something they needed, the calls got answered, and things were good.
- Do you have any advice for people working in music and entertainment today?
My best advice for anyone in music and entertainment now? Find some balance. I charged hard, bulldozing my way through for decades. There were tons of twists and turns, especially with tech changing everything, but some stumbles were on me – a bad attitude and a chip on my shoulder didn’t help. If I could talk to my younger self, I’d say slow down and soak it in. It’s a game, and yeah, you play to win, and I usually gave it my all. But I missed out on much of life because I was too focused on the job. It’s not saving lives, even though it felt important then.
- What did it take for you to confront the pain of your past, to be able to write about your abuse so directly and honestly?
Facing my past meant ditching blame. I also realized that being vulnerable is a strength. Most importantly, I had to accept reality—my actions, feelings, thoughts, the whole shebang—no more denial. It’s been the most freeing, cleansing experience. Think of lugging around trash bags of “stuff” for years, weighing you down. The more I wrote, the more honest and real I got, the faster those bags emptied themselves with a little push from me.
- What lessons were most helpful for you in your healing journey?
Okay, truth be told, what are the biggest lessons in healing? Letting go, surrendering, and realizing it’s okay to mess up and just be. For so long, I held on tight, trying to be perfect, wanting everyone to see my worth, even twisting things to get approval. Maybe I’m still doing that with this book title; who knows? But generally, trusting the flow of life and letting things unfold without forcing them or needing everyone to agree with me has been huge. Crucially, sobriety – from drugs and alcohol, and honestly, cutting back about 70% of my caffeine intake – has been a significant key, along with striving for emotional sobriety. Specifically, yoga, surfing, nature, reading and thinking, therapy, and the ACA fellowship have all been part of putting myself back together.
- What do you hope readers take away from your story?
I hope readers laugh, cry, and see themselves in these stories. For those still navigating things like I used to, it may spark a moment of “enough with the denial.” And for younger folks, I hope it shows that getting knocked down doesn’t mean you stay down – you can get back up repeatedly. If my screw-ups entertain others and they learn something about themselves, that’s a bonus. If sharing my life helps even a few people, putting it all out there is worth it. Above all, I hope it’s a fun read from start to finish, one that keeps them turning the pages, eager to follow my journey and discover more. My biggest wish is that they’re left with many feelings and feel like they truly know me, but even more so, that they might come away knowing themselves better.
- You’ve created some great playlists that pair with your book. If you could sum up your memoir with a few songs or some lyrics, what would you choose?
To enrich the reading experience, I’ve created two playlists. The first directly reflects the book’s structure, with each chapter title inspiring a song choice that holds a specific connection to the narrative within that chapter. The second playlist serves as a broader soundtrack to my life, encompassing all the artists and songs mentioned throughout the memoir. It’s a deeper dive for readers who want to immerse themselves in the musical landscape that shaped my journey.
Music is such a powerful force, and for me, the lyrics of Neil Young’s “Heart of Gold” beautifully encapsulate my life’s trajectory and current perspective. The desire to live and give, the metaphor of mining for something precious, and the ongoing search, even over time, truly resonate with my experiences. It’s about those unspoken expressions and the quest for something authentic and meaningful. On the other hand, The Rolling Stones’ “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” also profoundly reflects certain elusive aspects of my life – that persistent yearning for something just out of reach. It captures the story of desire and the often disappointing gap between expectation and reality, a theme that weaves through parts of my journey.
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